Holy_Donut
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Holy Donut's Review of The Grudge 2Recently, during a party (from which I returned home smelling of liquorice, beer, vodka, woodsmoke and perfume) I saw The Grudge 2. In a moment of alcohol-deluded fantasy I decided I'd take the piss, making the ladies feel safe and have something to write here.
The Grudge 2 is set in Tokyo, which according to the film is in Japan, a strange country where Americans outnumbered the local populace and everyone speaks English except two nurses whose only purpose is to give the 'Investigative Young Man' a reason to talk to the main character. Also there is an 'International High School'.
Anyway, so, High School Bitch #1 and 2 gang up on Reasonably Attractive Outsider and convince her to roll up her uniform's skirt. There is no reason for this except long lingering shots of young girl's legs. This happens again later in the film.
HSB#1+2 take RAO to a burnt-out house, presumably the one from The Grudge 1, but I never saw it so I don't know. RAO is tricked in to sitting in an 'attic' where the only other Asian woman in Tokyo was murdered. The attic in question is a cupboard. Seriously, it's like the size of Imshall's bed, tiny. If that's an attic in Japan, then bugger me, I live in a palace. Anyway, surprise surprise, the HSB shuts her in, then surprise surprise, evil ghost is inside the cupboard.
Having heard that The Grudge is terrifying, forgive me for being disappointed that the evil force is, actually, an Asian girl painted white. That ruined the whole scare thing, as we are supposed to believe a girl painted white who attended creepy walking school can do all sorts of crazy shit. For example (but not limited to) levitation, teleportation, emerging from mirrors, super-ventriloquism, (according to the subtitles) hoarse croaking and cat-like screams. Also she can kill with a stare. For some reason. You know, like The Ring. Essentially the Ring. And she's called Kayako. Now, upon hearing Kayako, I immediately thought of this.
Hey, I have an active imagination.
Also, I renamed her to Crazy Croaking Mirror Teleporting Ghost Wizard. Which is also the subtitle of my upcoming film; Dinosaurs, Lasers, Ninjas, Gold and Cleavage. A Battle for Awesome.
Anyway, Crazy Croaking Mirror Teleporting Ghost Wizard scares RAO by levitating from the ceiling using her catlike scream. Look out, painted chick meowing at above-me-O'Clock. Punch her! Wait you can't she's a ghost! But she casts spells! Oh no! Wizard! GHOST WIZARD!
So, cue general horror movie thing of baddie stalking the girls and dispatching them horribly. One get's pulled into a mirror, the other runs through streets (cue lingering leg shots) before getting caught by baddie in a phone booth. Then getting...er... haired to death.
But this was Japanese! Things can't be that simple! Cue a weird Doctor Who/Quantum Leap thing with the story hopping all over the damn place like a kangaroo on MDMA. There is the boy in a haunted apartment block level, the sister of the woman from the first film, and RAO.
Anyway, after lot's of weirdness (hooded woman stealing newspapers from bins, then sticking them everywhere, Investigator Man getting killed in his dark room, a girl drinking then throwing up milk) it all ties together. After some more pan shots where the ghost wizard lurks in the background. Oh, and there's some hoarse croaking as well. Turns out, the RAO is the hooded woman, and the evil ghost wizard followed her to the apartment block. The sister tries to stop ghost wizard, get's killed and turns into ghost wizard. Hoo boy, this makes a lot of sense. Anyway, I don't know how the film ends, as I got distracted. I'm assuming that the boy in the apartment block finds RAO, and together they challenge ghost wizard to a dance off. Or something.
Here's another picture showing a summary of this film's genre.
And here's one showing the plot.
Well, that's all for this edition of Donut's Media Reviews, but DMR will return. Next time...... I don't know, Dungeons and Dragons? Shooter? Who knows?
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