Tachikoma
|
Joke.Bored so thought I 'd share a silly joke a workmate told me today:
Doc - "Hello, how can I help you?"
Man - "I've got an orange willy!"
Doc - "What?"
Man - "My willy - it's turned orange."
Doc - "Umm... I'll have to look that up. Ah, it seems it could be a sign of stress; do you suffer from stress?"
Man - "Not really"
Doc - "What about stress at work?"
Man - "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss, I worked 80 hours week for pennies and then I got the sack"
Doc - "That sounds very stressful."
Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great, half the hours, 3 times the salaryand I feel really appreciated"
Doc - "Hmm, what about your home life?"
Man - "Well, my girlfriend was a complete cow, she nagged non-stop and put me down every chance she got."
Doc - "That sounds stressful"
Man - "Yeah, but I left her and I've never been happier."
Doc - "I see, what about your social life?"
Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."
Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time?"
Man - "Watch porn and eat Wotsits."
I know it's terrible but it made me chuckle 
|
Caspa Uk
|
very nice lol i bit too rude for my ears 
|
Gorfinkle
|
GEORGE u muppet 
|
Tachikoma
|
What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls made of steel?
Sparky.
|
Gorfinkle
|
well looks like summat has been started here so here we go with my contribution to the jokes post......
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair.
He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow
said."Just look at you ... you have no legs!"
The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the
door bell, didn't I?"
The wedding is scheduled for Saturday........
|
Gorfinkle
|
and here's another...........
Two men are chatting in the pub about one of them whose wedding is a
couple of weeks away.
The one who's getting married says, "I'm going to have to wear a
kilt for my wedding."
The other one says, "Oh, aye? What's the tartan?"
"Oh she'll be dressed in white."
|
Tachikoma
|
Not so much to reinvent this thread but just a joke I thought was fantastic:
=====================================================
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do fo him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
|
|
|
|